The end of the story, maybe?

 Well, tonight is something. 

And i hope i write this before tomorrow, November 30th. 

Today, 29th of November 2020 is the day that always always gonna be memorable for me. 

This is the day that i told him how my feeling is. 

I'm screamingly shocked that i finally did this. 

I told him, i have feeling for him since back then on junior high and how i really-really cannot holding on anymore to this feeling. I might not tell him everything, but i already told him everything that he needed to know. I asked him, hoping this is not going to be awkward. 

He laugh, he told me he actually heard about this back then on junior high. He also said thank you for the honesty i've given to him this night with my long long text on whatsApp. He said he don't know what to tell me, and he don't know how to respond. Lastly he said, "Semoga gue nggak brengsek ya" 

LOL. He never been. Well, maybe he pissed me off few times back then or now. But i never feel like i have to give the 'asshole' label to him. Because he's not. He just don't realize i have feeling for him all this time. 

And now after i confess my feeling, i just don't know anymore. I feel embarassed, yes. But mostly i actually happy and feel relieved. 

But deep down i realize, this feeling is still going on for him. I still give my heart all out for him. I just can't suddenly erase the feeling or moving on that fast. He still belong to my heart. 

i am happy, that i finally got the bravery to do this. And with this happen, i realize, maybe it's not about the chance, but it's your way to make the chance. I cannot wait for the chances show up, it should be me, the one who make it happen. And here i am tonight, make it happen. 

For what it's worth, i just hope someday he can accept my feeling. But for now, i really wish this moment is make me stop to chasing whatever it is that doesn't seems to be real. I might now knowing how many years it's gonna take to finally moving on and let him out from my heart (for good), but i'm glad i got to do this tonight. That i can say, we're not question mark or pause anymore. I press the stop button. Because i know i can't keep going for this more and more. I have to stop. This is it. 

I finally told you, that i love you. I've crush on you. Back then, yesterday, and now. I will always, always, always love you ndri.