Winter to Summer

 I thought, just when i thought you were something good. You were a blessed of a sunshine, the warm in my winter, the soul i could share this life journey with. 

Just when i thought i was right, turns out i am wrong. You are not a home. There's thousand words i can write right now when my thoughts are full of you. I wish we could be something, but i guess not everything is under my control. 

Jumpa pertama denganmu, di terminal 3 keberangkatan Soekarno Hatta. Kamu dengan baju abu-abu dan celana jeans, juga sepatu putih kamu yang sekilas mirip dengan sepatu yang aku gunakan. I still remember our first hello, our first handshakes. The way you light up and concern for everyone in the group, because that's your job. 

I remember every little details of us. I remember following you to the airplane gate, we have quite far seat number. But that's okay. We didn't talk a lot in the first place. But you, somehow always catch my eyes and attention. 

Perjalanan musim dingin kita pun dimulai. Hari pertama, kita masih belum banyak bicara. Namun kau banyak bercerita soal lokasi-lokasi yang akan kita datangi. Sepuluh hari berlalu, aku mengingat semua momen dan pembicaraan itu. 

Aku ingat kau menemaniku di destinasi terakhir kita, aku menangis mendengar seorang pembaca Quran melantunkan bacaannya di Topkapi Palace. Aku ingat kau mencoba menghiburku saat kita semua gagal menaiki balon udara. 

Kukira musim dingin akan berlalu secepat itu. Namun ternyata musim semi pun kamu masih menjadi sosok yang aku tunggu dan damba. 

Hingga musim panas datang. Sudah banyak hal yang terjadi. Aku mengikhlaskanmu perlahan-lahan. Aku menyadari, kamu tidak akan pernah bisa menjadikanku prioritas. You are a free soul, who cannot be caged. So i don't want to cage you. I don't want to start another heartbreak with you in it. 

But darling, i was already into the heartbreak long enough and i didn't realize it. 

So here's to my winter knight. 

We might be sharing the warm of the hot chocolate in the snow storm. We might be sharing dreams in the long drives home, sharing plans in the line of immigration. But just like that, season changes, feeling changes. I can't stay with your free soul anymore. Then i'm setting you free. I am setting my self free from you.